Ask Dr. Hal! Showers April with Talent

Mon, Apr 10
9:00
$7

I love the show! It's one of life's intellectual pleasures! --Ms. =

Urban Therese
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THE DR. HAL SHOW WEEKLY-DISPATCH
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Volume =

VI =

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No. 15
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"ASK DR. HAL!" SHOWERS APRIL WITH TALENT
TWELVE GALAXIES EXTRAVAGANZA TO FEATURE DEATH-DEFYING TRAPEZE =

ARTISTS, UKULELE-STRUMMING BEAUTIES IN 2nd SHOW OF 4th MONTH!
5th New DR. HAL SHOW Makes History, Hocus-Pocus at New Locus in the =

Lower Upper Mission --6th Episode Expected to Shatter all Previous =

Records!
AND Introducing KrOB's Grotesque Gorilla Rampage...

For immediate release-- As Ask Dr. Hal! blazes a new trail at 12 =

Galaxies, 2565 Mission Street near 22nd, excited audiences are abuzz =

and a-twitter at announced improvements for next Monday night's =

outing through the fourth month of Year 2006. For the first time =

since the award winning (in the Bay Guardian) show's rampant revival, =

opening acts will no longer be confined to the main stage, but dazzle =

at a dizzying height above the heads of the crowd. For we'll have...
AMAZING AERIALISTS!
Chicken John, as usual sparing no expense or effort, has taken =

infinite pains to install circus certified Flying Trapeze equipment =

up just below the ceiling of the cavernous 12 Galaxies hall. Now four =

daredevils, the dashing Achmed and the lovely Miriam, Lorelei and =

Abby, will hurl their scantily-clad bodies through space at a death- =

defying altitude, entirely without a net, for the delectation and =

enjoyment of Ask Dr. Hal! attendees. Ladies and Gentlemen! Messieurs =

et Mesdames, meinen Damen und Herren, Signore e Signori, Pani e =

Pane-- your attention, please! This will prove to be positively the =

greatest attraction of its kind ever sponsored by Chicken John on =

Mission Street-- not even in the fabled Glory Days of the late, =

lamented Odeon Bar has anything of the sort been even remotely =

attempted. For one thing, the roof was too low. Come one, come all-- =

see these brave and valiant artists snap their (metaphorical) fingers =

in the ghastly, leering, decaying visage of Grim Death himself. One =

time only-- never to be repeated. Yet this is only one of the =

applause-commanding appetizers to the main dish of Ask Dr. Hal! =

proper, for we also have...
UKE-STRUMMING SIRENS!
For the first time ever at Ask Dr. Hal! the pert Paper Dolls will =

perform. For those bachelors who drooled and leered as Uni and her =

Ukulele (which she calls Sally Luka) went on the boards (Down, boys!) =

the captivating chanteuse will return, this time with three more =

glamor-gal companions, Datri Bean, Tizzy Asher and Tippy Canoe, each =

expertly versed in the repertoire and lore of their instruments. Good =

Lord-- is this a trend? Nice Pants! started it all-- where are all =

these Ukulele Girl Groups coming from? It is good to live in San =

Francisco at such a time.
GORILLA GRAB-BAG!
KrOB's amazing Video Edits now turn their attention from Dinosaurs =

and Giant Insects and Spiders to Man's Primate cousins, the Gorillas. =

But... are these beings really Gorillas? Or are they... Yetis? What =

in Tarnation is Going On? Who knows what he's cooking up in his =

sequestered Church St. atelier? Not Dr. Hal, at least at presstime. =

And KrOB, for now, ain't sayin'...
Social Notes
The Beanweevils and then Uni and her Ukulele started the programme =

last Monday. I remember once long ago when Chicken and I put on a =

show at Cellspace, the latter artiste brought down the house by =

unexpectedly "flashing" the audience. But this time she kept her top =

buttoned and her uke tuned. And though Chief Technician Jascha =

Ephraim was away on tour, soundman Phil ably ensured the best =

possible reproduction of the music of these talented artists through =

the 12 Galaxies system from his roost in the redoubt of the sound =

booth. After a thoughtful message from perennial protestor Frank Chu, =

we continued without our usual Science Segment from Learn'd =

Astronomer Pete Goldie, who was hors de combat, laid low by a last- =

minute attack of lower back strain brought on by a bold but ill- =

conceived attempt to lift and shift a small but super-heavy =

Neutronium fragment, neutron-degenerate matter that hitched a ride on =

a small comet (if it was indeed a comet) that landed in his back yard =

last week. We wish Dr. Goldie a full and speedy recovery and hope he =

will by next week be ready once again to take the stand to testify =

for Science. We also missed the Brazilian Astronaut, who is now =

orbiting the Earth; see

breakingnews.iol.ie/news/story.asp?j=3D177914118&p=3Dy779y48z4

but that stolid space-farer will return to Earth on April 9th, just =

in time for the next episode of Ask Dr. Hal! At any rate, even =

without Pete the show proper soon got going with Chicken John's =

acerbic monologue. Dr. Hal entered next, and the questions flew thick =

and fast. Among askers were House of Shields DJ the dazzling Justin =

Credible, squired by Puzzling Evidence, the so-called "Handsome =

SubGenius," on a memorable Night on the Town... We also noted Momo, =

a.k.a. Therese, curvaceous Cloe Ashton, who took time out from =

canoodling with KrOB, lucky devil that he is, to come up with her =

usual queries, Geoffrey Smart, Bosun of the land galleon La Contessa, =

and even that vessel's original Builder, the dark-eyed Simon. The =

latter was accompanied by the fair Kelek Stevenson, who performed for =

us with Nice Pants! and Ralph Carney, not to mention Yours Truly, not =

too long ago (see The Dr. Hal Show Weekly-Dispatch, Vol. VI, No. 14), =

and it was quite a night for the other Beauties of the Evening as =

gorgeous Janay Growden, dressed to the nines, sizzling Katy Bell, =

luscious Liz and even Emily Meehan, visiting from Alaska, returned to =

the Dr. Hal fold in time for the show... Questions from as far away =

as Kentucky were addressed (the later from Governor Rocknar of that =

state) and some of the envelopes were decorated with intriguing =

artwork, particularly one with a more than graphic depiction of how =

Siamese Twins might, er, enjoy simultaneous orgasm... All the while, =

Computer Ace David Capurro and KrOB worked their wonders as 12 =

Galaxies hosts Adam and Robert kept the liquor and conviviality =

flowing. Jeff Stark of N.Y.'s Madagascar Institute, who returned to =

New York the day after the show, got some good last questions into =

the hopper (it's technically a pitcher) and the indefatigable Paul =

Pot made his usual tithe. Tall Paul (another Paul) bellied up to the =

bar. I even saw Anomaly, Mistress of Science as she stopped in for a =

visit. In short, a splendid time was had by all.

ADVERTISEMENT
THIS WEEK AT 12 GALAXIES IN THE MISSION
2565 Mission near 22nd
MONDAY,APRIL 10th (How time flies)
the all-new ASK Dr. HAL! show
with opening act
The PAPER DOLLS
These Velveeta-voiced Ukulele Vixens will strut, strum and plunk =

their way into that place in your heart you thought had died when Pee =

Wee Herman fell from grace. The hot three-part harmonies are crafted =

to delight your ears, while their charming frames wear a fashionable =

feast for your eyes.
The Plangent Plunking Sound which Brings to Mind Tropic Breezes =

Wafting o'er Crystal Sands on a Warm, Flowery Shore as Grass-clad =

Hips Insistently Sway & Undulate to Plaintive Native Tunes. To see =

what you're in for check out

www.unicornbread.com/shows.html
and
www.paperdollsband.com

and with opening act
The Amazing AERIALISTS
Swinging above your heads, these Trapeze Artists will Dazzle you with =

Dizzying Daring
IT'S ALL AT
ASK Dr. HAL! INCORPORATING NEW & FAMILIAR FEATURES & SIDESHOWS, =

SCIENCE, SORCERY & SOPHISTRY-- ALL IN THE STYLE OF THE LATE, GREAT ODEON
NOW AT 12 GALAXIES, A HIGH-TONED, HIGH-CEILINGED ESTABLISHMENT WITH =

FULL BAR
AND... THERE'S SO MUCH MORE!
THE ACE OF SPACE IN YOUR FACE
DR. Pete Goldie!
Our own official N.A.S.A. Liaison at "Ask Dr. Hal!"
THE Brazilian Astronaut
Descends from the Starry Heavens to Add to the Ask Dr. Hal! Experience
David Capurro
Providing Imagery from the Infinitely Indexed Memory Bank
And... Surprises!
Will there be another BUS TRIP? What about Anomaly, Mistress of =

Science?
YOU NEVER KNOW WHO WILL SHOW UP OR WHAT WILL HAPPEN!
To find out, visit our show-- we have only 3 more! Three more chances =

to catch
THE LUSCIOUSLY LADEN LINE-UP OF GAGS, GALS, BARDIC OUTBURSTS, COSMIC =

TRUTHS & FOLLIES!
CHAOS! FERNET! WHIPPETS!
See the Dr. Hal Show right now!
...via nosy newshound-shutterbug Scott Beale's pix shot right at the =

scene with digital diligence. To ogle his complete, sequential photo- =

record/slide show of the spied Show (of three intervals ago), go, =

man, go-- to laughingsquid.com/2006/03/21/ask-dr-hal-show- =

chicken-johns-birthday-photos/

AND... CAN ALL THIS BE FOR A MEASLY...
SEVEN DOLLARS!
For more details, go to our wonder-crammed web site at http:// =

askdrhal.com/ and read the fine print. There's more added to this =

supernal Site all the time-- check out the new MP3 Files of Chicken =

and Hal gabbing on and on, gaze goggle-eyed at the incredible ever- =

expanding Pictorial Section, dazzle your ears with KrOB's =

Refrigerator Noise and read Dr. Hal's Question of the Day. It's all =

about the show, remember. Yes, we freely admit it's seven simoleons. =

No longer FREE at the late, great, oft-lamented Odeon bar, where our =

low overhead allowed us to pass the savings along to you, for this =

incarnation of the show we are obliged to charge our patient patrons =

the admission price of SEVEN DOLLARS ($7.00) (the same amount it cost =

to attend our previous run, October-November 2005, at Caf=E9 du Nord). =

Now, in keeping with the inflationary spirit of the times, we must =

request this modest, nominal charge for admission, a regrettable =

economic necessity in lean times of creeping crypto-fascism. The =

price of a mere burrito and beer, or the rough equivalent. But this =

paltry, tawdry seven dollars admits you to a memorable salon of =

music, mirth and intellectual inspiration-- it's actually quite a =

bargain, unlike the aforementioned (hypothetical) burrito. Speaking =

of which, the area abounds in culinary opportunities. That burrito =

can be yours as close as the taqueria on the corner-- or, if you're =

surfeited with slumming, try the trendy, arty Foreign Cinema =

restaurant directly across from the premises-- or any of a multi- =

cultural gastronomic rainbow of choices to tickle even the =

sophisticated senses of a Brillat-Savarin or the jaded palate of the =

most titillated Trimalchio. Explore, circumnavigate the globe of =

gourmandizing to be found in the "nabe;" go ahead-- be a gastronomic =

Magellan or a Vascular da Gama (heh, heh). Then, having dined, amble =

on in to 12 Galaxies and wash your repast down with any number of =

refreshing varieties of Alcohol, not excluding the Miracle Liquid =

Fernet Branca. So, what do you get for slamming down your seven bucks =

at our 6th show, April's first folly, on Monday, April 10th?
Well, you get...
THE AFFABLE, AMIABLE COMMENTARY & MONOLOGUE OF YOUR TWINKLY, GENIAL =

CO-HOST
CHICKEN JOHN
THE MARVELLOUS MUTATED MUSICAL MEANDERINGS OF COFFEE CULT HERO
K-ROB
(not the false, Oakland K-Rob, but the true Hero of Caf=E9 This and =

Pirate Cat Radio)
AND THE GORILLOID MYSTERY OF KrOB'S ENTANGLING EDIT
AND THE OPTICAL OBLOQUY OF COMPUTER & YO-YO FIEND
DAVID CAPURRO
AND THE SUPREME SCIENTIFIC SHOW-AND-TELL OF N.A.S.A. LIASON & ASTRO- =

EXPERT
PETE GOLDIE
AND THE TECHNICAL WIZARDRY OF STELLAR FELLER
JASCHA EPHRAIM
(The Master of Sinuous Stagecraft Returns to Helm our Torrid =

Technical Support & our Mind-Breaking Special Effects)
AND MANY SURPRISE MYSTERY GUEST STARS & PERFORMERS INCLUDING BUT NOT =

LIMITED TO
THE PAPER DOLLS, THE AERIALISTS--
All accompanying THE ORACULAR & BARDIC RESPONSES & REJOINDERS OF
Dr. HOWLAND OWLL, B.A., M.C.S. etc.
THAT IS, AFTER YOU MANAGE TO PASS THE GIMLET-VISAGED GAZE OF OUR =

FANATICALLY DEVOTED DOORMAN
PHOENIX
Remember, we are perpetually endeavoring to improve our =

presentation, and adjusting our new format for the convenience of our =

dedicated friends and patrons.
We entreat our old fellow-travellers to remember that, these days, =

contrary to their previous experience and expectation, the show =

actually starts on time, when we say it will. We beseech you not to =

be among the subdued, chagrined few who only arrive after all is =

over. We repeat, the new Dr. Hal show begins at 9:00 PM sharp. Yes, I =

know, but I was told to put this in, and therefore I comply. Still, =

it gets hard to say this. Oh, well...
B O O K C L O S E O U T
Folks, I just wanted you to know that if you've been anxiously =

looking for my book, The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks, and, =

unaccountably, have still not been finding it in your local branch =

library or at kiosks, newsstands and airport bookstores, now you need =

look no further. For a limited time only, through a special =

arrangement with North Atlantic Books and publisher Frog, Ltd. now =

you can get it right from me, Dr. Hal. It's true-- this attractive, =

reasonably priced volume ($9.95), profusely illustrated by the =

Author, is available for sale at the show! For anyone who's ever been =

troubled about what happens to your missing socks. But don't take my =

word for it-- just listen to the critics rave:

"Hal Robins (...[writing under the name] of [Perditus U.] Pedale) has =

discovered--and the very amusing, detailed drawings he's put in this =

slim volume from North Atlantic Books illustrate-- that while the =

mysterious appearance of Unknown Socks in your drier [sic] (and the =

mysterious disappearance of the socks you expected to find) may be =

conventionally explained, deeper, darker explanations can be found by =

looking farther than the interior of the drier [sic] mechanism..." -- =

BOING BOING

"If Robert Benchley, Bob & Ray, James Thurber, S.J. Perelman, Stephen =

Hawking and H.P. Lovecraft were all to collide in a Quantum =

Entanglement Event with a pair of Argyle socks, the result would be =

almost as weird and hilarious as this guided tour of theoretical =

hosieristics from the High Priest of Arcane Smart-Alecks..."
-- Marc Laidlaw, author of The 37th Mandala and writer of the =

popular computer game Half-Life

"...Robins once again offers up his... unique artistic technique..." =

-- Winston Smith, contributing cover artist to The New Yorker

"Hal Robins is witty, cunningly arch, downright funny, cosmically =

connected, and very, very entertaining." -- John Shirley, author of =

Crawlers and screenwriter of the film The Crow

"Dr. Hal... I'd do anything for Dr. Hal. He can have me if he, you =

know, wants me." --Fan Ameke, pathetic, broken-down Mission street =

alcoholic and drug user

"Countercultural impresario Hal Robins... has authored a small =

masterpiece... a delight from beginning to end, filled with lovely =

language, absorbing illustrations and fantastic ideas... that reaches =

an astounding climax... Not to be missed." -- Rudy Rucker, =

mathematician and award-winning science fiction author of Frek and =

the Elixir

Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Dr. Hal, am now not only poised to sell you =

this book right at the show but also to autograph it and inscribe it =

for you then and there, thus exponentially increasing its value. A =

bargain now available-- only two left. I've also got a few issues =

left of my hideous horror comic book, GRAVE YARNS, but when they've =

been sold the price on the final few that remain will have to rise =

steeply (Law of Supply and Demand). When these are gone, they'll be =

real gone.

THE HAL SHOW! LESS THAN A MONTH'S WORTH OF MEMORABLE NIGHTS ARE LEFT! =

(Then the show closes as CHICKEN goes off to visit mysterious Tibet.) =

REMEMBER-- GOOD QUESTIONS ARE STILL REWARDED WITH FERNET BRANCA, THE =

MIRACLE LIQUID, UNWATERED AND AT FULL STRENGTH.

Venue:

12 Galaxies
2565 Mission St (at22nd)
san Franphycho

www.12galaxies.com

Additional Info:


www.askdrhal.com