Ask Dr. Hal Marches into April...

Mon, Apr 3
9:00
$7

"The Dr. Hal show makes Mondays more bearable." --Sarah Goldie
THE DR. HAL SHOW WEEKLY-DISPATCH
Volume =

VI =

=

No. 14
"ASK DR. HAL!" HELD OVER THROUGH APRIL
TWELVE GALAXIES MANAGEMENT EXTENDS RUN FOUR MORE WEEKS!
4th New DR. HAL SHOW Makes History, Hocus-Pocus at New Locus in the =

Lower Upper Mission --Fifth Episode to Feature The Beanweevils, Uni =

and her Ukulele
For immediate release-- In a stunning reversal of plans, high =

officials at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission Street near 22nd announced =

Monday night during the award-winning (in the Bay Guardian) ASK DR. =

HAL! show that the popular attraction would be permitted four more =

weeks of life before going "dark" again for an indefinite interval.
The announcement, sprung on an astonished Chicken John and Dr. Hal, =

came while the show was on the boards in the form of a (non-paid) =

question. Fortunately, the Talking 8-Ball, the usual arbiter in such =

cases, gave the answer which ensured the popular attraction's =

continuance through the fourth month of Year 2006.
"It's a reprieve, definitely," offered headliner Dr. Howland =

Owll in his dressing room immediately after the event. "Four weeks =

are four weeks-- that's four more chances for people who didn't get =

to see us this time around to catch the act," he added. Showman =

Chicken John was more guarded. "Yeah, yeah, yeah-- we can do another =

month, but that's it, OK? I got plans. Big deal-- we do one more month."
But to the eager attendees crammed into the fashionable mid- =

Mission Street watering hole, it seemed like a big deal indeed. Cheer =

after cheer made the rafters ring at the news, and after the =

conclusion of the performance a large remaining contingent dutifully =

filed on to the bottle-green Odeon Applause Bus for the revived =

custom of the end-of-month wee hours Bowling Trip.
Social Notes
Mongolounge opened for Ask Dr. Hal! with characteristic verve, =

playing a medley of classic De-evolutionary melodies in their freshly =

executed Lounge style. After a thoughtful message from Frank Chu, big =

Pete Goldie took the stand to testify for Science. Then, after the =

simian Brazilian Astronaut had knuckle-walked up the stairs once =

again, the show proper began with Chicken John's acerbic monologue. =

Dr. Hal entered next, to preside over a more scientifically oriented =

episode than had previously been known, first examining and =

describing the contents of the exhumed and opened Twenty Minute Time =

Capsule, which was solemnly decanted on stage by Josh the Orange Box =

Man and his Crewe of Chronoticians. The show continued until after =

the obligatory Giant Spider Rampage footage, a KrOB Edit, had been =

shown. Five questions later, Siren of Sapience Anomaly, Mistress of =

Science mounted the stage for a discourse on "New Developments in =

Neuroscience, with Special Emphasis on Hypno-Mesmeric Epiphenomena." =

A practice session followed with the two savants hypnotically =

contending, each trying to cast a spell on the other. This Wizard's =

Duel ended with mixed results: the fair Anomaly, charmed entirely =

out of her garments, retired in a pants-less trance from the stage =

after being rendered fully and spectacularly au naturel before the =

goggle-eyed gaze of the audience. She did, however, as it turned out, =

succeed in implanting in Dr. Hal a post-hypnotic suggestion to speak =

only in the "Ap-Ap" patois, preventing him from continuing the show =

until he was shocked out of the fugue state by being "flashed" by =

audience members. (Unfortunately for him, the flashers in question =

were Sean Kelly and Jim Fourniadis.) Many later expressed sincere =

thanks that the r=F4les of the main participants in the hypnosis =

demonstration had not been reversed. All the while, Computer Ace =

David Capurro and Stagecraft Master Jascha Ephraim kept the rearing, =

plunging show in trim.
Among those who braved the wet and windy weather to come to the event =

were pale scholar of the Unhallowed Arts D.S. Black, sultry masseuse =

Sister Mable Syrup, curvaceous Cloe Ashton and Point Arena poet Blake =

More, who had accompanied consort Chris Campbell, Sticks man for =

Mongolounge. Captivating Annie Coulter had a table at the front with =

dashing swain, while playboy Joe Bullock, out on the town, squired a =

bevy of beauties at his own table. Ravishing Rachel Weidinger, Jeff =

Stark of N.Y.'s Madagascar Institute and the indefatigable Momo were =

also spotted. Nonpareil Nievies Hagmeier appeared on the brawny arm =

of Dan, the Rock God of Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, Paul Pot made his =

usual tithe, and Jason of Baltimore, la belle Katy Bell, former Odeon =

Bar hostess Jenner and other celebs jostled elbows as the 12 Galaxies =

bar did a roaring business. The Bus Trip to Serra Bowl in Daly City =

was the next development to transpire. Visit them on the Web at
fun2spare.2gobowl.com/?page=3DSerra_Bowl
First, the Odeon Applause Bus, Chicken John at the wheel, lurched =

through the rainy streets at a terrifying rate of speed. It made a =

brief stop at, of all places, The Knockout Bar-- yes, the one at 3223 =

Mission Street, where we were fortunate enough to rescue and take on =

board Jean, Tenderest of Bartenders, whose unhappy, frustrating fate =

it has been to work Monday nights at the former home of Ask Dr. Hal! =

in lieu of attending the show. Sprung from durance vile, she joined =

the rest of the revellers who descended on the famed late-night =

bowling venue, where the only thing to mar the festivities was the =

disappointing absence of Mullet Man, a.k.a. Pon-a-dour Man, the =

Crusty Old Guy who Hands Out the Bowling Shoes. Employees let it slip =

that he's been transferred to the day shift. And a splendid time was =

had by all.
ADVERTISEMENT
THIS WEEK AT 12 GALAXIES IN THE MISSION
2565 Mission near 22nd
MONDAY,APRIL 3RD
the all-new ASK Dr. HAL! show
with opening act
The BEANWEEVILS
The Beanweevils write beautifully twisted pop songs about breast =

implants, Deadheads, and working at the mall. Bean leads the band, =

writes songs, sings, and plays bass guitar. David Newman writes =

songs, sings, plays lead guitar, and makes drawings. Kelly Amthor =

sings and dances. Tim Vaughan plays drums and percussion.
also featuring
Uni & her Ukulele
The Plangent Plunking Sound which Brings to Mind Tropic Breezes =

Wafting o'er Crystal Sands on a Warm, Flowery Shore as Grass-clad =

Hips Insistently Sway & Undulate to Plaintive Native Tunes. To see =

what you're in for check out www.unicornbread.com/shows.html
and with
The Most Demented KrOB "Monster Attack" Edit Yet!
A Gurgling Gumbo of Found Footage Incorporating Giant Insects, =

Dinosaurs and Gorillas all Twined & Tangled Together

ASK Dr. HAL! INCORPORATING NEW & FAMILIAR FEATURES & SIDESHOWS, =

SCIENCE, SORCERY & SOPHISTRY-- ALL IN THE STYLE OF THE LATE, GREAT ODEON
NOW AT 12 GALAXIES, A HIGH-TONED, HIGH-CEILINGED ESTABLISHMENT WITH =

FULL BAR
AND... THERE'S SO MUCH MORE!
THE ACE OF SPACE IN YOUR FACE
DR. Pete Goldie!
Our own official N.A.S.A. liaison at "Ask Dr. Hal!"

THE LUSCIOUSLY LADEN LINE-UP OF GAGS, GALS, BARDIC OUTBURSTS, COSMIC =

TRUTHS & FOLLIES!
CHAOS! FERNET! WHIPPETS!
See the Dr. Hal Show right now!
...via nosy newshound-shutterbug Scott Beale's pix shot right at the =

scene with digital diligence. To ogle his complete, sequential photo- =

record/slide show of the spied Show (of two intervals ago), go-go to =

laughingsquid.com/2006/03/21/ask-dr-hal-show-chicken-johns- =

birthday-photos/

AND... ALL THIS FOR A MEASLY
SEVEN DOLLARS!
For more details, go to our wonder-crammed web site at http:// =

askdrhal.com/ and read the fine print. There's more added to this =

supernal Site all the time-- check out the new MP3 Files of Chicken =

and Hal gabbing on and on, gaze goggle-eyed at the incredible ever- =

expanding Pictorial Section, dazzle your ears with KrOB's =

Refrigerator Noise and read Dr. Hal's Question of the Day. It's all =

about the show, remember. Yes, we freely admit it's seven simoleons. =

No longer FREE at the late, great, oft-lamented Odeon bar, where our =

low overhead allowed us to pass the savings along to you, for this =

incarnation of the show we are obliged to charge our patient patrons =

the admission price of SEVEN DOLLARS ($7.00) (the same amount it cost =

to attend our previous run, October-November 2005, at Caf=E9 du Nord). =

Now, in keeping with the inflationary spirit of the times, we must =

request this modest, nominal charge for admission, a regrettable =

economic necessity in lean times of creeping crypto-fascism. The =

price of a mere burrito and beer, or the rough equivalent. But this =

paltry, tawdry seven dollars admits you to a memorable salon of =

music, mirth and intellectual inspiration-- it's actually quite a =

bargain, unlike the aforementioned (hypothetical) burrito. Speaking =

of which, the area abounds in culinary opportunities. That burrito =

can be yours as close as the taqueria on the corner-- or, if you're =

surfeited with slumming, try the trendy, arty Foreign Cinema =

restaurant directly across from the premises-- or any of a multi- =

cultural gastronomic rainbow of choices to tickle even the =

sophisticated senses of a Brillat-Savarin or the jaded palate of the =

most titillated Trimalchio. Explore, circumnavigate the globe of =

gourmandizing to be found in the "nabe;" go ahead-- be a gastronomic =

Magellan or a Vascular da Gama (heh, heh). Then, having dined, amble =

on in to 12 Galaxies and wash your repast down with any number of =

refreshing varieties of Alcohol, not excluding the Miracle Liquid =

Fernet Branca. So, what do you get for your seven bucks at our 5th =

show, April's first folly, on Monday, April 3rd?
Well, you get...
THE AFFABLE, AMIABLE COMMENTARY & MONOLOGUE OF YOUR TWINKLY, GENIAL =

CO-HOST
CHICKEN JOHN
THE MARVELLOUS MUTATED MUSICAL MEANDERINGS OF COFFEE CULT HERO
K-ROB
(not the false, Oakland K-Rob, but the true Hero of Caf=E9 This and =

Pirate Cat Radio)
AND THE PALEO-PRIMATO-ENTOMOLOGICAL ENORMITY OF KrOB'S ENTANGLING EDIT
AND THE OPTICAL OBLOQUY OF COMPUTER & YO-YO FIEND
DAVID CAPURRO
AND THE SUPREME SCIENTIFIC SHOW-AND-TELL OF N.A.S.A. LIASON & ASTRO- =

EXPERT
PETE GOLDIE
AND THE TECHNICAL WIZARDRY OF STELLAR FELLER
JASCHA EPHRAIM
(Master of Sinuous Stagecraft, Torrid Technical Support & our Mind- =

Breaking Special Effects)
AND MANY SURPRISE MYSTERY GUEST STARS & PERFORMERS INCLUDING BUT NOT =

LIMITED TO
RAUCOUS ROLE-PLAYING WITH THE BEANWEEVILS
and
UNI & HER UKELELE (she calls it "Sally Luka")
All accompanying THE ORACULAR & BARDIC RESPONSES & REJOINDERS OF
Dr. HOWLAND OWLL, B.A., M.C.S. etc.
THAT IS, AFTER YOU MANAGE TO PASS THE GIMLET-VISAGED GAZE OF OUR =

FANATICALLY DEVOTED DOORMAN
PHOENIX
Remember, we are perpetually endeavoring to improve our presentation, =

and adjusting our new format for the convenience of our dedicated =

friends and patrons.
We entreat our old fellow-travellers to remember that, these days, =

contrary to their previous experience and expectation, the show =

actually starts on time, when we say it will. We beseech you not to =

be among the subdued, chagrined few who only arrive after all is =

over. We repeat, the new Dr. Hal show begins at 9:00 PM sharp. Yes, I =

know, but I was told to put this in, and therefore I comply.
B O O K C L O S E O U T
Folks, I just wanted you to know that if you've been anxiously =

looking for my book, The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks, and, =

unaccountably, have still not been finding it in your local branch =

library or at kiosks, newsstands and airport bookstores, now you need =

look no further. For a limited time only, through a special =

arrangement with North Atlantic Books and publisher Frog, Ltd. now =

you can get it right from me, Dr. Hal. It's true-- this attractive, =

reasonably priced volume ($9.95), profusely illustrated by the =

Author, is available for sale at the show! For anyone who's ever been =

troubled about what happens to your missing socks. But don't take my =

word for it-- just listen to the critics rave:

"Hal Robins (...[writing under the name] of [Perditus U.] Pedale) has =

discovered--and the very amusing, detailed drawings he's put in this =

slim volume from North Atlantic Books illustrate-- that while the =

mysterious appearance of Unknown Socks in your drier [sic] (and the =

mysterious disappearance of the socks you expected to find) may be =

conventionally explained, deeper, darker explanations can be found by =

looking farther than the interior of the drier [sic] mechanism..." -- =

BOING BOING

"If Robert Benchley, Bob & Ray, James Thurber, S.J. Perelman, Stephen =

Hawking and H.P. Lovecraft were all to collide in a Quantum =

Entanglement Event with a pair of Argyle socks, the result would be =

almost as weird and hilarious as this guided tour of theoretical =

hosieristics from the High Priest of Arcane Smart-Alecks..."
-- Marc Laidlaw, author of The 37th Mandala and writer of the popular =

computer game Half-Life

"...Robins once again offers up his... unique artistic technique..." =

-- Winston Smith, contributing cover artist to The New Yorker

"Hal Robins is witty, cunningly arch, downright funny, cosmically =

connected, and very, very entertaining." -- John Shirley, author of =

Crawlers and screenwriter of the film The Crow

"Dr. Hal... I'd do anything for Dr. Hal. He can have me if he, you =

know, wants me." --Fan Ameke, pathetic, broken-down Mission street =

alcoholic and drug user

"Countercultural impresario Hal Robins... has authored a small =

masterpiece... a delight from beginning to end, filled with lovely =

language, absorbing illustrations and fantastic ideas... that reaches =

an astounding climax... Not to be missed." -- Rudy Rucker, =

mathematician and award-winning science fiction author of Frek and =

the Elixir

Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Dr. Hal, am now not only poised to sell you =

this book right at the show but also to autograph it and inscribe it =

for you then and there, thus exponentially increasing its value. A =

bargain now available-- only two left. I've also got a few issues =

left of my hideous horror comic book, GRAVE YARNS, but when they've =

been sold the price on the final few that remain will have to rise =

steeply (Law of Supply and Demand). When these are gone, they'll be =

real gone.

THE HAL SHOW! LAST OF A MONTH'S MEMORABLE NIGHTS! REMEMBER-- GOOD =

QUESTIONS ARE STILL REWARDED WITH FERNET BRANCA, THE MIRACLE LIQUID, =

UNWATERED AND AT FULL STRENGTH.

Venue:

12 Galaxies
2565 Mission St (at22nd)
san Franphycho

www.12galaxies.com

Additional Info:


www.askdrhal.com