The 4th and final Ask Dr. Hal Show (and bowling)

Mon, Mar 27
9:00
$7

"Once, there was a place in San Francisco
where the basest and rawest of human desires could be quenched, for a
fee. Where the low, the vile and the disreputable writhed in an =

unctuous
pool of ignominy and debasement. Then, Chicken John sold the place and
hosted Ask Dr. Hal! at 12 Galaxies."
--Kiko Aumond

Let it be Proclaimed Throughout the Land!
IT'S MARCH'S FOURTH AND FINAL SHOW!
In which "ASK DR. HAL!"
FINISHES its MONTH at our VIVACIOUS VENUE
12 GALAXIES IN THE MISSION

2565 Mission near 22nd

MONDAY, MARCH 27TH
[NOTE: NO LONGER the traditional WEDNESDAY NIGHTS]
with A TRIUMPHANT ALL-NEW SHOW, CULMINATING IN
A BUS RIDE!
Yes, an Actual Post-Show Ride to Serra Bowl, where As of Old we'll =

Lob a Few Balls Down the Lanes at Serra Bowl of Daly City
in an Atmosphere of Mirth, Merriment & Post-Show SLACK!
INCORPORATING MANY OPENING ACTS, NEW & FAMILIAR FEATURES & SIDESHOWS, =

SCIENCE, SORCERY & SOPHISTRY-- ALL IN THE STYLE OF THE LATE, GREAT ODEON
NOW AT 12 GALAXIES, A HIGH-TONED, HIGH-CEILINGED ESTABLISHMENT WITH =

FULL BAR
K-ROB EDIT WILL HIGHLIGHT GHASTLY GIANT ARACHNID OUTRAGE on Los =

Angeles School Campus
as a Twelve-Ton GIANT SPIDER Runs Amok--
SOBERING SEQUENCE SHOULD MAKE US ALL GLAD WE LIVE RIGHT HERE IN THE =

GOOD OLD BAY AREA
-- HARROWING FOOTAGE NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH
AND
SEE & HEAR OUR FANTASTICALLY OUTRE OPENING ACT:
MONGALOUNGE
with SPECIAL KrOB EDIT!
AND SO MUCH MORE!
SPACE IN YOUR FACE, WITH DR.
PETE GOLDIE!
Our own official N.A.S.A. liaison at "Ask Dr. Hal!"
ANOMALY, MISTRESS OF SCIENCE
Seductive & Slinky Slattern of Scientific Sapience
who will Lasciviously Lecture on:
"The Amended Freeman-Kleiner Hypothesis, With Abstracts: Observation =

of Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen Entanglement on Supraquantum Structures By =

Induction through Nonlinear Transuranic Crystal of Extremely Long =

Wavelength (ELW) Pulse from Mode-Locked Source Array"
OR POSSIBLY ANOTHER TOPIC
WITH THE LUSCIOUSLY LADEN LINE-UP OF GAGS, GALS, BARDIC OUTBURSTS, =

COSMIC TRUTHS & FOLLIES!
CHAOS! FERNET! WHIPPETS!
AND-- AT LAST!-- THE LONG-AWAITED REVIVAL OF A DR. HAL TRADITION:
LATE NIGHT BUS RIDE TO BOWLING!!
Bus Rides are cancelled in the event of indisposition of the driver =

and/or over-wet weather, purely as a safety measure. The driver has =

indicated the imminence of the bus ride; judgement about the actual =

date of same must be made by the Editor of this Press Release in the =

absence of unequivocal information & should be understood =

accordingly. In the event of Nuclear War, or a wash-out owing to an =

excess of undue precipitation 2 (two) days previous to the show or =

later, the excursion to the bewildered bowling alley may or may not =

be postponed to the next active session of Ask Dr. Hal!, depending =

entirely on showman "Chicken" John's temperament & caprice. Your =

safety is of paramount importance to us, the Odeon Stock Company & =

Management. Bus Plunges, overturns, explosions, railway crossing =

right-of-way controversies, collisions with large semi-trailer trucks =

or low-flying aircraft & other serious catastrophes may significantly =

detract from the overall experience of "Ask Dr. Hal!" & are therefore =

avoided whenever possible.

3rd DR. HAL SHOW Makes History, Hocus-Pocus at New Locus in the Lower =

Upper Mission
For immediate release-- Like an enraged, bellowing stegosaurus, ASK =

DR. HAL! charged on to the local scene last week with its THIRD =

scintillant show at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission Street near 22nd, where =

it has galloped unchecked through the wet and windy month of March. =

Once again, tables and chairs enough for all were provided by the 12 =

Galaxies management from storage in the posh club's cavernous =

basement, ensuring that no one would have to endure standing on the =

hard concrete floor for the duration of the lengthy production. =

First, NICE PANTS opened in style with the musical magnificence of =

ultra-fetching uberfemmes Linda Robertson and Francine Bennett as =

advertised, and the piquant participation of roguish Ralph Carney and =

delectable Kelek Stevenson as not advertised (I certainly would have =

mentioned these attractions, which I enthusiastically endorse at any =

time, had Chicken not "sprung" it on me [their presence on the bill] =

only after I reached the club the night of the show). These dynamic =

damozels, Francine and Linda on Ukulele and Violin respectively, =

while captivating Kelek tap-danced, were aided by Ralph on a variety =

of exotic instruments. During their set, first I, Dr. Howland Owll, =

provided vocalizations of St. James Infirmary Blues and the enduring =

Rudy Vallee classic, Goodnight, Sweetheart. Chicken then took the =

stage with his memorable Elvis Tribute. The inevitable, =

unintelligible rant from perennial protester Frank Chu followed, =

preceding comedic genius Will Franken's triumphant (if unadvertised) =

return to Ask Dr. Hal! with what one and all concluded was his best =

performance ever-- and with Will, that's saying a lot. Clearing tears =

of helpless laughter from their optic exudate- streaming eyes, the =

cowed crowd attentively attended boffo boffin Pete Goldie's piquant =

presentation. After the Ace of Space left the stage, A.D.H. swung =

into action, celebrating Chicken John's 38th birthday with vim and =

verve. Roky Roulette's chicken-themed routine was a great show- =

stopper; the brawny ecdysiast covered the stage with frantic, flying =

feathers as, chicken bucket in hand, he peeled away the accouterments =

of a certain white-suited Colonel. Beautiful girls in the front row =

lunged at the drumsticks and thighs suspended tantalizingly just out =

of their reach, but their teeth snapped on thin air as Roky jerked =

the tempting viands away at the last moment... and so it went. Too =

bad if you missed it...
...but you can still see it all anyway!
Fortunately, nosy newshound-shutterbug Scott Beale was on the scene, =

snapping pix-a-plenty with digital diligence. To ogle his complete, =

sequential photo-record/slide show of the spied Show, go to

laughingsquid.com/2006/03/21/ask-dr-hal-show-chicken-johns- =

birthday-photos/

MONGOLOUNGE to Open for A.D.H.
In their noble quest for viable new hybrids, the earnest chemists =

behind San Francisco De-Evolutionary outlet Mongoloid have taken "the =

sound of things falling apart" and made it swing. The resultant =

concoction: Mongolounge. It's Devo poured over ice and served with a =

twist. Look for Mongolounge at Ask Dr. Hal! as they serve up smoothly =

mutated renditions of such Devo classics as: Girl U Want, Wiggly =

World, Blockhead, and Gut Feeling. Decked out in stylish yet =

functional energy domes and tuxes over shorts and knee-high sox, =

Mongolounge promises an unforgettable evening of intoxicating De- =

Evolution, featuring the bass-plucking of San Francisco underground =

showman Chicken John, the competent stickwork of Chris Campbell, =

provider of finger-snappin' rhythms, Bob III blending in lounge-y =

jazz chords on the six-string and Dave's infectious infusion of =

brassy baying on trombone, served =E0 la carte. The final garnish to =

this Devoid dish is the velvet-throated crooning of Mongoloid =

frontman Loid. And, KrOB has promised to provide a "special" Video =

Tribute to enliven the very lively proceedings. Sound good?

Hairy, Bulging, Brobdingnagian Arachnid Wreaks Horrid Havoc (!)
...in KrOB's edit this week. As if the presence of a berserk elephant- =

sized spider wasn't bad enough in and of itself, behold now how the =

Colossal Cob causes fatal car wrecks and explosions as it skitters =

loathsomely about. Not to be missed-- and kompiled with... the "KrOB =

Touch!"

Glam Grad Student ANOMALY to Serve up SCIENCE REPORT, Demo of the Day!
A fresh, new feature of the Dr. Hal show will continue this Monday as =

Anomaly, Libidinous Lab Assistant, gropes for new frontiers in the =

far reaches of scientific inquiry. Not for children or those easily =

shocked. Frisky, frolicsome, naughty, nervy.

AND... ALL THIS FOR A MEASLY SEVEN DOLLARS!
For more details, go to our wonder-crammed web site at
askdrhal.com/

and read the fine print. There's more added to this supernal Site all =

the time-- check out the new MP3 Files of Chicken and Hal gabbing on =

and on, gaze goggle-eyed at the incredible ever-expanding Pictorial =

Section, dazzle your ears with KrOB's Refrigerator Noise and read Dr. =

Hal's Question of the Day. It's all about the show, remember. Yes, we =

freely admit it's seven simoleons. No longer FREE at the late, great, =

oft-lamented Odeon bar, where our low overhead allowed us to pass the =

savings along to you, for this incarnation of the show we are obliged =

to charge our patient patrons the admission price of SEVEN DOLLARS =

($7.00) (the same amount it cost to attend our previous run, October- =

November 2005, at Caf=E9 du Nord). Now, in keeping with the =

inflationary spirit of the times, we must request this modest, =

nominal charge for admission, a regrettable economic necessity in =

lean times of creeping crypto-fascism. The price of a mere burrito =

and beer, or the rough equivalent. But this paltry, tawdry seven =

dollars admits you to a memorable salon of music, mirth and =

intellectual inspiration-- it's actually quite a bargain, unlike the =

aforementioned (hypothetical) burrito. Speaking of which, the area =

abounds in culinary opportunities. That burrito can be yours as close =

as the taqueria on the corner-- or, if you're surfeited with =

slumming, try the trendy, arty Foreign Cinema restaurant directly =

across from the premises-- or any of a multi-cultural gastronomic =

rainbow of choices to tickle even the sophisticated senses of a =

Brillat-Savarin or the jaded palate of the most titillated =

Trimalchio. Explore, circumnavigate the globe of gourmandizing to be =

found in the "nabe;" go ahead-- be a gastronomic Magellan or a =

Vascular da Gama (heh, heh). Then, having dined, amble on in to 12 =

Galaxies and wash your repast down with any number of refreshing =

varieties of Alcohol, not excluding the Miracle Liquid Fernet Branca. =

So, what do you get for your seven bucks at our 4th show, March's =

final folly, on Monday, March 27th? Eh? Hey?
Well, you get...
THE AFFABLE, AMIABLE COMMENTARY & MONOLOGUE OF YOUR TWINKLY, GENIAL =

CO-HOST
CHICKEN JOHN
THE MARVELLOUS MUSICAL MUTATIONS OF COFFEE CULT HERO
K-ROB
(not the false, Oakland K-Rob, but the true Hero of Caf=E9 This and =

Pirate Cat Radio)
AND THE ENTOMOLOGICAL ENORMITY OF KrOB'S ENTANGLING EDIT
AND THE OPTICAL OBLOQUY OF COMPUTER & YO-YO FIEND
DAVID CAPURRO
AND THE SUPREME SCIENTIFIC SHOW-AND-TELL OF N.A.S.A. LIASON & ASTRO- =

EXPERT
PETE GOLDIE
AND THE TECHNICAL WIZARDRY OF STELLAR FELLER
JASCHA EPHRAIM
(Master of Sinuous Stagecraft, Torrid Technical Support & our Mind- =

Breaking Special Effects)
AND MANY SURPRISE MYSTERY GUEST STARS & PERFORMERS
Not to mention this week's Overwhelmingly Orgasmic Opening Act
MONGOLOUNGE
AND THE SULTRY SCIENTIFIC SEDUCTIONS OF
ANOMALY
Sp=E9cialiste S=E9duisant
All accompanying... THE ORACULAR & BARDIC RESPONSES & REJOINDERS OF
Dr. HOWLAND OWLL, B.A., M.C.S. etc.
THAT IS, AFTER YOU MANAGE TO PASS THE GIMLET-VISAGED GAZE OF OUR =

FANATICALLY DEVOTED DOORMAN
PHOENIX
AND THIS WILL BE THE NIGHT WE TAKE THE GREEN "APPLAUSE" BUS TO GO
BOWLING!
This is it-- we guarantee that after we conclude, a familiar- =

looking green bus, a 1968 GMC motor coach with an 8-cylinder Diesel =

engine, a 3-speed automatic Allison tranny and no power steering, =

will roll up outside 12 Galaxies to whisk agreeable attendees off for =

an ecstatic interlude of late-night outr=E9 ultra-entertainment: =

bowling in Daly City. It's at Serra Bowl, where even if you think =

(wrongly) "bowling won't be fun," you'll still enjoy the dumfounding =

mullet (some prefer the name pon-a-dour) hairstyle sported by the =

crusty old guy who hands out the bowling shoes. Visit them on the =

Web, at

fun2spare.2gobowl.com/?page=3DSerra_Bowl

If you haven't done this yet, taken this quasi-legendary Bowling =

Trip, this could be your last opportunity. Trust me-- it's a lot more =

fun than it sounds. The Applause Bus will depart from the club =

immediately after the show. If you have the time and want to take the =

ride, do get aboard. Hold on tight-- your host, Ringmonster Chicken =

John will be at the wheel as we zoom away into the starry night. =

Really, all ballyhoo and hyperbole aside, I never heard of any other =

show doing this. Don't fret; you will be gently and expertly =

deposited exactly back where you started from in an hour or two.
Remember, we are perpetually endeavoring to improve our =

presentation, and adjusting our new format for the convenience of our =

dedicated friends and patrons.
We entreat our old fellow-travellers to remember that, =

these days, contrary to their previous experience and expectation, =

the show actually starts on time, when we say it will. We entreat you =

not to be among the subdued, chagrined few who only arrive after all =

is over. We repeat, the new Dr. Hal show begins at 9:00 PM sharp. =

That's right-- I was told to put this in, and therefore I comply.

S P E C I A L A N N O U N C E M E N T

by Dr. HOWLAND OWLL

I just wanted you to know that if you've been anxiously looking for =

my book, The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks, and, =

unaccountably, have still not been finding it in your local branch =

library or at kiosks, newsstands and airport bookstores, now you need =

look no further. For a limited time only, through a special =

arrangement with North Atlantic Books and publisher Frog, Ltd. now =

you can get it right from me, Dr. Hal. It's true-- this attractive, =

reasonably priced volume ($9.95), profusely illustrated by the =

Author, is available for sale at the show! For anyone who's ever been =

troubled about what happens to your missing socks. But don't take my =

word for it-- just listen to the critics rave:

"Hal Robins (...[writing under the name] of [Perditus U.] Pedale) has =

discovered--and the very amusing, detailed drawings he's put in this =

slim volume from North Atlantic Books illustrate-- that while the =

mysterious appearance of Unknown Socks in your drier [sic] (and the =

mysterious disappearance of the socks you expected to find) may be =

conventionally explained, deeper, darker explanations can be found by =

looking farther than the interior of the drier [sic] mechanism..." -- =

BOING BOING

"If Robert Benchley, Bob & Ray, James Thurber, S.J. Perelman, Stephen =

Hawking and H.P. Lovecraft were all to collide in a Quantum =

Entanglement Event with a pair of Argyle socks, the result would be =

almost as weird and hilarious as this guided tour of theoretical =

hosieristics from the High Priest of Arcane Smart-Alecks..."
-- Marc Laidlaw, author of The 37th Mandala and writer of the popular =

computer game Half-Life

"...Robins once again offers up his... unique artistic technique..." =

-- Winston Smith, contributing cover artist to The New Yorker

"Hal Robins is witty, cunningly arch, downright funny, cosmically =

connected, and very, very entertaining." -- John Shirley, author of =

Crawlers and screenwriter of the film The Crow

"Dr. Hal... I'd do anything for Dr. Hal. He can have me if he, you =

know, wants me." --Fan Ameke, pathetic, broken-down Mission street =

alcoholic and drug user

"Countercultural impresario Hal Robins... has authored a small =

masterpiece... a delight from beginning to end, filled with lovely =

language, absorbing illustrations and fantastic ideas... that reaches =

an astounding climax... Not to be missed." -- Rudy Rucker, =

mathematician and award-winning science fiction author of Frek and =

the Elixir

Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Dr. Hal, am now not only poised to sell you =

this book right at the show but also to autograph it and inscribe it =

for you then and there, thus exponentially increasing its value. A =

bargain now available-- only two left. I've also got a few issues =

left of my hideous horror comic book, GRAVE YARNS, but when they've =

been sold the price on the final few that remain will have to rise =

steeply (Law of Supply and Demand). When these are gone, they'll be =

real gone.

THE HAL SHOW! LAST OF A MONTH'S MEMORABLE NIGHTS! REMEMBER-- GOOD =

QUESTIONS ARE STILL REWARDED WITH FERNET BRANCA, THE MIRACLE LIQUID, =

UNWATERED AND AT FULL STRENGTH.

Venue:

12 Galaxies
2565 Mission St (at22nd)
san Franphycho

www.12galaxies.com

Additional Info:


www.askdrhal.com