Ask Dr. Hal

Mon, Mar 13
9:00
$7

"ASK DR. HAL" OFFERS SECOND SCINTILLANT SHOW!
NOTED NIGHT CLUB ACT FORGES AHEAD AT 12 GALAXIES IN THE MISSION
MONDAY, MARCH 13TH
[NOTE: NO LONGER the traditional WEDNESDAY NIGHTS]
& CONTINUING THROUGHOUT THE BLUSTERY MONTH OF MARCH
INCORPORATING MANY OPENING ACTS, NEW & FAMILIAR FEATURES & SIDESHOWS, =

SCIENCE, SORCERY & SOPHISTRY-- ALL IN THE STYLE OF THE LATE, GREAT ODEON
NOW AT 12 GALAXIES, A HIGH-TONED, HIGH-CEILINGED ESTABLISHMENT WITH =

FULL BAR
K-ROB EDIT WILL HIGHLIGHT HORRENDOUS NINETEEN-POUND SPIDER ESCAPE & =

RAMPAGE
DR. HAL TECHNICIANS SWEAR THEY'LL "GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME"
(TANTALIZING EDIT FEATURES DRAMATIZATION OF OFFICIALLY COVERED-UP =

"PROJECT CHARLOTTE" MISHAP AT CLANDESTINE SPECIAL-OPS TEST CENTER IN =

AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION-- HARROWING FOOTAGE NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH)

SEE & HEAR OUR OVERWHELMINGLY OUTRE OPENING ACT:
PROJECT PIMIENTO
OTHERWORLDLY LOUNGE MUSIC COSMICALLY KEYED TO YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE
All the Moods of the Theremin, complemented by sultry high vocals from
MISS LOLA BOMBAY
SPACE IS THE PLACE, WITH DR.
PETE GOLDIE
Our own official N.A.S.A. liaison at "Ask Dr. Hal!"
AND INTRODUCING OUR NEW ANOMALOUS SEGMENT--
MORE SULTRY SCIENCE with
ANOMALY, MISTRESS OF SCIENCE
SEDUCTIVE SCIENTRIX will present the DR. HAL SCIENCE QUESTION OF THE DAY
WITH THE USUAL & EXPECTED LINE-UP OF GAGS, GALS, COSMIC TRUTHS & =

FOLLIES--
AND WATCH FOR OUR UPCOMING REVIVAL OF A DR. HAL TRADITION:
LATE NIGHT BUS RIDE TO BOWLING!!

"I finally got to see a Dr. Hal show... If you haven't seen Dr. Hal, =

seeing is believing. The... show is on the surface funky but deeply very
skilled and informative. I'll sure go again." --Codeine Sudafed, =

roving reporter

"For some reason which I can't quite =

pinpoint... it was damn good, even if we didn't get to see the giant =

spiders... What adventures await us next week at 12 Galaxies? Dr. =

Hal only knows." --Kiko Aumond, Belligerati online

"You San Francisco people and your =

psychedelics... When will you give it a rest?" --Colin Dewey, =

disgruntled outsider

FIRST DR. HAL SHOW MAKES IMPACT AT NEW LOCUS IN THE MISSION
For immediate release-- Like a pregnant puffball, ASK DR. HAL! burst =

back on to the local scene last week with its first flagship show at =

12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission Street near 22nd, where it will continue at =

least through the month of March. Tables and chairs, provided by the =

12 Galaxies management from storage in the posh club's cavernous =

basement, ensured that no one would have to endure standing for the =

duration of the lengthy production. A minor technical "glitch" which =

prevented the exhibition of the advertised Giant Spider sequence has =

now been corrected, according to red-faced Ask Dr. Hal! facilitators, =

and all systems are "go" for an "A-Okay" delivery of this demented =

material for next Wednesday's show.
PROJECT PIMIENTO TO OPEN FOR MARCH 13th EPISODE
An ultra-cool ensemble that revels in "retro-loungy jazz" will head =

up this Wednesday's bill. Project Pimiento has in the past won =

audiences with theremin-infused covers of such standards as "Caravan" =

and Alexander Courage's theme music for the original Star Trek TV =

series. They also have been known to infuse new life into "Diamonds =

are Forever," the title song from the well-known James Bond film, or =

the signature music for TV's Peter Gunn. Fans of the theremin (and =

who isn't) will also respond to the s=E9duisante upper-range ululations =

of chanteuse Miss Lola Bombay. Invented in 1919 by the eponymous =

Russian L=E9on Theremin, the theremin is unusual in that it requires no =

physical contact in order to produce music and was, in fact, the =

first musical instrument designed to be played without being touched. =

The device consists of an array of circuitry including two antennas =

around which the user moves his or her hands to play. Come and see =

for yourself.
GIANT SPIDER ESCAPES
This week K-Rob's traditional monster movie clip turns its focus on =

the menace of giant spider attacks once again, a public service =

message dealing with outsized, bulbous arachnids which, though not of =

elephantine dimensions, are still far larger than they ought to be. =

Those who are sensitive to such material are advised to turn away or =

shade their eyes. Although technical problems prevented the unveiling =

of last week's Arachnid Atrocity, these have been solved according to =

our experts. Therefore we shall give you a dramatized glimpse of a =

disastrous failure in command and control in a top-secret hidden =

military installation where your tax dollars support Perverted =

Science. Speaking of which...
GLAM GRAD STUDENT ANOMALY TO MAKE SCIENCE REPORT, DEMO OF THE DAY
A fresh, new feature of the Dr. Hal show will make its bow this =

Monday as Anomaly, Libidinous Lab Assistant, gropes for new frontiers =

in the far reaches of scientific inquiry.
ALL FOR A MEASLY SEVEN DOLLARS!
For more details, go to our web site at askdrhal.com/ and =

read the fine print. No longer FREE at the late, great, oft-lamented =

Odeon bar, where our low overhead allowed us to pass the savings =

along to you, for this incarnation of the show we are obliged to =

charge our patrons the admission price of SEVEN DOLLARS ($7.00) (the =

same amount it cost to attend our previous run, October-November =

2005, at Caf=E9 du Nord). In keeping with the inflationary spirit of =

the times, we must request this nominal charge for admission, a =

regrettable economic necessity in lean times. The price of a mere =

burrito and beer, or the rough equivalent. But this paltry, tawdry =

seven dollars admits you to a memorable salon of music, mirth and =

intellectual inspiration-- it's actually quite a bargain, unlike the =

aforementioned (hypothetical) burrito. Speaking of which, the area =

abounds in culinary opportunities. That burrito can be yours as close =

as the taqueria on the corner-- or, if you're surfeited with =

slumming, the trendy Foreign Cinema restaurant directly across from =

the premises-- or any of a multi-cultural gastronomic rainbow of =

choices to tickle even the jaded palate of the most titillated =

Trimalchio. Then, having dined, come on in to 12 Galaxies and wash =

your repast down with any number of varieties of Alcohol, including =

the Miracle Liquid Fernet Branca. So, what do you get for your seven =

bucks at our show, our First Iteration, on Monday, March 13th?
Well, you get...
THE AFFABLE, AMIABLE COMMENTARY & MONOLOGUE OF YOUR TWINKLY, GENIAL =

CO-HOST
CHICKEN JOHN
THE MARVELLOUS MUSICAL MANGLINGS OF COFFEE CULT HERO
K-ROB
(not the false, Oakland K-Rob, but the true Hero of Caf=E9 This and =

Pirate Cat Radio)
THE OPTICAL OBLOQUY OF COMPUTER & YO-YO FIEND
DAVID CAPURRO
THE SUPREME SCIENTIFIC SHOW-AND-TELL OF N.A.S.A. LIASON & ASTRO-EXPERT
PETE GOLDIE
THE RECONDITE REVELATIONS OF RAVISHING RESEARCH ASSISTANT
ANOMALY
THE TECHNICAL WIZARDRY OF STELLAR FELLER
JASCHA EPHRAIM
AND MANY SURPRISE MYSTERY GUEST STARS & PERFORMERS
Not to mention this week's overwhelming Opening Act
PROJECT PIMIENTO
A Spicy Serving of Plangent Polyphony...
AND... THE ORACULAR & BARDIC RESPONSES & REJOINDERS OF
Dr. HOWLAND OWLL, B.A., M.C.S. etc.
AFTER YOU MANAGE TO PASS THE GIMLET-VISAGED GAZE OF OUR FANATICALLY =

DEVOTED DOORMAN
PHOENIX
[Last week eagle-eyed patrons may have noticed that the r=F4le of =

Phoenix was essayed by Mr. Benjamin Burke]

AND WILL THIS BE THE NIGHT WE TAKE THE GREEN APPLAUSE BUS TO GO =

BOWLING AGAIN?
Probably not, but we guarantee that after at least one of =

our upcoming shows, a familiar-looking green bus, a 1968 GMC motor =

coach with an 8-cylinder Diesel engine, a 3-speed automatic Allison =

tranny and no power steering, will roll up outside 12 Galaxies to =

whisk agreeable attendees off for an ecstatic interlude of late-night =

outr=E9 ultra-entertainment: bowling in Daly City. It's at Serra Bowl, =

where even if you think (wrongly) bowling won't be fun, you'll still =

enjoy the dumfounding mullet (some prefer the name pon-a-dour) =

hairstyle sported by the crusty old guy who hands out the bowling =

shoes. Visit them on the Web at
fun2spare.2gobowl.com/?page=3DSerra_Bowl
If you haven't done this yet, this could be your last opportunity. =

Trust me-- it's a lot more fun than it sounds. When the trip is going =

to happen, whenever that might be, The Applause Bus will depart from =

the club immediately after the show. If you have the time and want to =

take the ride, do get aboard. Hold on tight-- your host, Ringmonster =

Chicken John will be at the wheel as we zoom away into the starry =

night. Really, all ballyhoo and hyperbole aside, I never heard of any =

other show doing this. Don't fret; you will be gently and expertly =

deposited exactly back where you started from in an hour or two.
Remember, we are perpetually endeavoring to improve our =

presentation, and adjusting our new format for the convenience of our =

dedicated friends and patrons.
We entreat our old fellow-travellers to remember that, =

these days, contrary to their previous experience and expectation, =

the show actually starts on time, when we say it will. We entreat you =

not to be among the subdued, chagrined few who only arrive after all =

is over. We repeat, the new Dr. Hal show begins at 9:00 PM sharp. =

They told me to put this in, and therefore I comply.

S P E C I A L A N N O U N C E M E N T

by Dr. HOWLAND OWLL

I just wanted you to know that if you've been looking for my book, =

The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks, and unaccountably have =

still not been finding it at kiosks, newsstands and airport =

bookstores, now you need look no further. For a limited time only, =

through a special arrangement with North Atlantic Books and publisher =

Frog, Ltd. now you can get it right from me, Dr. Hal. It's true-- =

this attractive, reasonably priced volume ($9.95), profusely =

illustrated by the Author, is available for sale at the show! For =

anyone who's ever been troubled about what happens to your missing =

socks. But don't take my word for it-- just listen to the critics rave:

"Hal Robins (...[writing under the name] of [Perditus U.] Pedale) has =

discovered--and the very amusing, detailed drawings he's put in this =

slim volume from North Atlantic Books illustrate-- that while the =

mysterious appearance of Unknown Socks in your drier (and the =

mysterious disappearance of the socks you expected to find) may be =

conventionally explained, deeper, darker explanations can be found by =

looking farther than the interior of the drier [sic] mechanism..." -- =

BOING BOING

"If Robert Benchley, Bob & Ray, James Thurber, S.J. Perelman, Stephen =

Hawking and H.P. Lovecraft were all to collide in a Quantum =

Entanglement Event with a pair of Argyle socks, the result would be =

almost as weird and hilarious as this guided tour of theoretical =

hosieristics from the High Priest of Arcane Smart-Alecks..."
-- Marc Laidlaw, author of The 37th Mandala and writer of the popular =

computer game Half-Life

"...Robins once again offers up his... unique artistic technique..." =

-- Winston Smith, contributing cover artist to The New Yorker

"Hal Robins is witty, cunningly arch, downright funny, cosmically =

connected, and very, very entertaining." -- John Shirley, author of =

Crawlers and screenwriter of the film The Crow

"Dr. Hal... I'd do anything for Dr. Hal. He can have me if he, you =

know, wants me." --Fan Ameke, pathetic, broken-down Mission street =

alcoholic and drug user

"Countercultural impresario Hal Robins... has authored a small =

masterpiece... a delight from beginning to end, filled with lovely =

language, absorbing illustrations and fantastic ideas... that reaches =

an astounding climax... Not to be missed." -- Rudy Rucker, =

mathematician and award-winning science fiction author of Frek and =

the Elixir

Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Dr. Hal, am now not only poised to sell you =

this book right at the show but also to autograph it and inscribe it =

for you then and there, thus exponentially increasing its value. A =

bargain now available-- only four left.

THE HAL SHOW! AT LEAST THREE MORE MEMORABLE NIGHTS! REMEMBER-- GOOD =

QUESTIONS ARE STILL REWARDED WITH FERNET BRANCA, THE MIRACLE LIQUID, =

UNWATERED AND AT FULL STRENGTH.

Venue:

12 Galaxies
2565 Mission St (at22nd)
san Franphycho

www.12galaxies.com

Additional Info:


www.12galaxies.com